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 Dare To Be Stupid 
  
 

Like A Surgeon
--------------
parody of "Like a Virgin" by Madonna
Lyrics by "Weird Al" Yankovic
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two
I was last in my class
Barely passed at the institute
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit
Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gauze, nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last
Let me see that IV
Here we go, time to operate
I'll pull his insides out
Pull his insides out
And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
Wo-ho.  Wo-ho.  Wo-ho
It's a fact, I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel
And my forceps
And retractors
Oh ho  Oh ho  Ooh, baby
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time

"Dare To Be Stupid"
Put down that chain saw and listen to me.
It's time for us to join in the fight.
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
It's time to let the bedbugs bite.
You better put all your eggs in one basket.
You better count your chickens before they hatch.
You better sell some wine before its time.
You better find yourself an itch to scratch.
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can,
When Mr. Whipple's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan.
Talk with your mouth full.
Bite the hand that feeds you.
Bite off more than you can chew.
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid.
Take some wooden nickels.
Look for Mr. Goodbar.
Get your mojo working now.
I'll show you how.
You can dare to be stupid.
You can turn the other cheek.
You can just give up the ship.
You can eat a bunch of sushi, then forget to leave a tip.
Dare to be stupid.
Come on and dare to be stupid.
It's so easy to do.
We're all waiting for you.
Let's go!
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill.
So can I have a volunteer?
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk.
Now it's time for crying in your beer.
Settle down, raise a family, join the P.T.A.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet.
Then party till you're broke, and they drag you away.
It's okay... you can dare to be stupid.
It's like spitting on a fish.
It's like barking up a tree.
It's like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.
Dare to be stupid.
Yes.  Why don't you dare to be stupid.
It's so easy, so easy to do.
We're all waiting for you.
Burn your candle at both ends.
Look a gift horse in the mouth.
Mashed potatoes can be your friends.
You can be a coffee achiever.
You can sit around the house
And watch "Leave It To Beaver."
The future's up to you.
So what you gonna do?
Dare to be stupid.
Dare to be stupid.
What did I say?
(Dare to be stupid.)
Tell me, what did I say?
(Dare to be stupid.)
It's all right.
(Dare to be stupid.)
We can be stupid all night.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Come on, join the crowd.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Shout it out loud.
(Dare to be stupid.)
I can't hear you.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Okay, I can hear you now.
(Dare to be stupid.)

I Want A New Duck
-----------------
(parody of "I Want A New Drug" by Huey Lewis & the News)
I want a new duck.
One that won't try to bite.
One that won't chew a hole in my socks.
One that won't quack all night.
I want a new duck.
One with big webbed feet.
One that knows how to wash my car,
And keep his room real neat.
One that won't raid the ice box.
One that'll stay in shape.
One that's never gonna try
To migrate or escape,
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape.
I want a new duck.
A mallard, I think.
One that won't make a mess of my house,
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink.
I want a new duck.
One that won't steal my beer.
One that won't stick his bill in my mail.
One that knows "The duck stops here."
One that won't drive me crazy
Waddling all around.
One who'll teach me how to swim,
And help me not to drown.
And show me how to get down.
"How to get down", baby.  Get it?
(quack, quack, quack, quack, quack)
I want a new duck.
Not a swan or a goose.
Just a drake I can dress real cute.
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce.
I want a new duck.
Not a quail or an owl.
One that won't molt too much.
One that won't smell too foul.
One that won't beg for bread crumbs,
Hangin' around all day.
He'd better mind his manners.
Better do just what I say,
Or he's gonna be duck pate'.
Duck pate', yeah yeah.

One More Minute
---------------
by Weird Al Yankovic
Well I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind
'cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you
That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you
I guess I might seem kind of bitter
You've got me feeling down in the dumps
'cause I'm stranded all alone at the gas station of love
And I have to use the self service pumps!
Oh so, honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Then spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Then watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again
(Oh can't ya see what I'm trying to tell ya darling!)
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
 in Grand Central Station... with my tongue
Then spend one more minute with you.
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool
 filled with double edged razor blades
Then spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart right outta my ribcage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it 'till I die!!!!
(GASP!)
Then spend... one more minute... with you
 
Yoda
----
parody of "Lola" by the Kinks
Lyrics by "Weird Al" Yankovic
I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A, soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name, and in a raspy voice he said, "Yoda"
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force!"
Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said
He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side,
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide."
Oh, my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed,
But remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed."
Oh, my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part till I'm old and gray
The long-term contract that I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda

"George Of The Jungle"
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Strong as he can be.
Watch out for that tree!
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Lives a life that's free.
Watch out for that tree!
When he gets in scrapes,
When he makes his escapes,
With the help of his friend,
An ape named Ape,
Then away he'll schlep,
On his elephant Shep,
While Fella and Ursula stay in step, with
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Friend to you and me.
Watch out for that tree!
Watch out for that tree!
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Friend to you and me.

"Slime Creatures From Outer Space"
Things just haven't been the same,
Since the flying saucer came.
Now the aliens are on the loose.
Well, we tried to hold 'em back,
Tried to ward off their attack,
But our atom bombs were just no use.
They were ugly, they were mean,
Biggest heads I ever seen.
They made everybody scream and shout.
First they leveled Tokyo,
Then New York was next to go.
Boy, I really wish they'd cut it out!
They wasted everybody on my block.
There goes the neighborhood.
They'll zap you with their death-ray eyes,
And blow you up real good.
Run for your lives!
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're not very nice to the human race.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
There's more comin' every day,
And they just won't go away.
Now they're reproducing in the sewers.
They got slimy lizard skin,
And an evil-lookin' grin,
And they sure could use some manicures.
They got hands all covered with fungus.
They got eyes like some kinda bug.
I sure hope they don't come in here,
I just shampooed the rug.
Run for your lives!
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're really makin' a mess of this place.
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They'll rip your head off just for fun.
They'll paralyze your mind.
They're wearin' out their welcome.
I don't think I like their kind.
They'll suck your brain out through a straw.
You just can't trust those guys.
So hide the children, lock the doors,
And always watch the skies.
Look out!  Here come the...
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're an intergalactic disgrace.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
I wish they'd just get outta my face.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're makin' a big, fat mess of this place.
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures.)
Where did they come from?
What do they want from us?
Who do they think they are?
(Slime Creatures.  Slime Creatures.)
Why don't they leave me alone?
(Slime Creatures.  Slime Creatures.)
They're really getting on my nerves.

"Girls Just Want To Have Lunch"
Some girls like to buy new shoes,
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos.
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls, they just wanna have lunch.
I know how to keep a woman satisfied.
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide.
They're always in the mood for something to munch.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have...
That's all they really want.
Some lunch.
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch.
'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch.
She eats like she got a hole in her neck,
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check.
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have...
That's all they really want,
Is some lunch.
Don't know for certain, but I've got a hunch.
Those girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch.
They just wanna,
They just wanna...

"This Is The Life"
I eat filet mignon seven times a day.
My bathtub's filled with Perrier.
What can I say?
This is the life!
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood.
I hire somebody to chew my food.
I'm an upwardly mobile dude.
This is the life!
They say that money corrupts you,
But I can't really tell.
I got the whole world at my feet,
And I think it's pretty swell.
I got women lined up outside my door.
They've been waitin' there since the week before.
Who could ask for more?
This is the life!
You're dead for a real long time.
You just can't prevent it.
So if money can't buy happiness,
I guess I'll have to rent it.
Yeah, every day I make the front page news.
No time to pay my dues.
I got a million pairs of shoes.
This is the life!
I got a solid gold Cadillac.
I make a fortune while I sleep.
You can tell I'm a living legend,
Not some ordinary creep.
No way, I'm the boss.  The Big Cheese.
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees.
I can do just what I please.
This is the life!
That's right, I'm the king.  Number One.
I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton.
I pay the bills, I call the shots,
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts.
One thing I can guarantee.
The best things in life, they sure ain't free.
It's such a thrill just to be me.
This is the life!
This is the life!

"Cable TV"
I used to think my life was so empty,
I used to think life was passin' me by.
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die.
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company.
Well, they hooked me up, and plugged me right in,
And now I got cable TV.
And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean,
Midget wrestling on Channel Three.
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em,
Yeah, but that's all right with me.
I got cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy.
I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network,
The news and weather from Peru,
I got Celebrity Hockey,
The Racketball Channel too.
Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta,
Mr. Wizard is on at five.
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car,
So I can watch MTV while I drive.
I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs,
The kind you just can't get for free.
Now I never wanna leave my apartment,
'Cause there's just so much for me to see.
On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me,
You know where I'll be.
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah,
Watchin' my cable TV.
'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
My friends are gettin' kinda worried,
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak.
Oh, but they're just jealous, 'cause I've seen "Porky's"
Twenty-seven times this week.
On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
Well, I gotta have cable TV, yeah,
I need my cable TV.

Hooked On Polkas
[12th Street Rag/Euday L. Bowman]
You're takin' to me good,
Just like you know you should.
You get me on my knees,
Please, baby, please.
[State of Shock/The Jacksons,Mick Jagger]
She looks so great, every time I see her face.
She put me in a state (ooh, state of shock)
[Sharp Dressed Man/ZZ Top]
Top coat.  Top hat.
I don't worry, 'cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades.  White glove.
Lookin' sharp.  Lookin' for love.
They come a-runnin' just as fast as they can,
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man, hey!
Whoo!  Ah ha!
[What's Love Got To Do With It?/Tina Turner]
Oh, what's love, got to do, got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion?
What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken?
[Method Of Modern Love/Hall & Oates]
M E T H O D O F L O V E,
It's the method of modern love.
[Owner Of A Lonely Heart/Yes]
Owner of a lonely heart.
Owner of a lonely heart,
Much better than the
Owner of a broken heart.
Owner of a lonely heart.
[We're Not Gonna Take It/Twisted Sister]
We're not gonna take it. No!
We ain't gonna take it.
We're not gonna take it, any more.
[99 Luftbalons/Nena]
Neun und neunzig luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont.
Denkst du vielleicht Grad an mich.
Dann singe ich ein Lied fur dich.
[Footloose/Kenny Loggins]
Now I gotta cut loose.  Footloose.
Kick off my Sunday shoes.
Please!  Louise!  Pull me off-a my knees.
Jack!  Get back!  Come on, before we crack!
Loose!  You're blues.  Ev'ry body cut footloose!
[The Reflex/Duran Duran]
So why don't you use it.
Try not to bruise it.
Find time, don't lose it.
[Mental Health (Bang Your Head)/Quiet Riot]
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
[Relax/Frankie Goes To Hollywood]
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna go to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna sock it to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
When you wanna come.
When you want to come.

 

 
  
 

*Dare to be stupid* 1985