How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Cap'n Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well don't you know that other kids are starvin' in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kinds of foods you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off you're plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it... eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it

Have some more chicken
Have some more pie
It doesn't matter
If it's boiled or fried

Just eat it, just eat it
Just eat it, just eat it... Woo!

Your table manners are a crying shame
You're playing with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death
You'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it. Just eat it.

You better listen, better do as you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down, or it's gonna get cold
So eat it. 

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it... eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it

Have some more yogurt
Have some more Spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Don't you make me repeat it!

Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch

Just eat it! Eat it!
Eat it! Eat it!
Eat it!  Eat it!
If it's too cold, reheat it

Have a big dinner.  Have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back

Just eat it!  Eat it!
Get yourself an egg and beat it!

Have some more chicken.  Have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried

Just eat it!  Eat it!
Don't you make me repeat it!

The Brady Bunch
---------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody of "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats

You can watch Mister Rogers
You can watch Three's Company
And you can turn on Fame
Or the Newlywed Game
Or the Addams Family

Say, you can watch Barney Miller
And you can watch your MTV
And you can watch 'till your eyes
 fall out of your head
That'll be okay with me
And you can watch (TV)

You can watch Johnny Carson
You can watch Phil Donahue
And you can use TV Guide
To help you decide
With a capsulized review

Say, you can watch 60 Minutes
Even Captain Kangaroo
But there's only one set
So whatever you watch
Well, you know I gotta watch it too

A-say, give it up
Give it up
Television's takin' its toll
That's enough
That's enough
Gimme the remote control

I've been nice
I've been good
Please don't do this to me
Turn it off
Turn it off
I don't wanna have to see
The Brady Bunch
Not the Brady Bunch
Well, the Brady Bunch
Yeah, the Brady Bunch

It's the story of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls

It's the story of a man named Brady
Who was busy with three boys of his own
They were four men living all together
A-yeah, but they were all alone

Till then one day
A-one day
When the lady met this fellow
And they knew
And they knew
It was much more than a hunch
That the group
A-this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way
That's the way
That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch

Well, the Brady Bunch
Yeah, the Brady Bunch
Well, the Brady Bunch
Oh, it's the Brady Bu-unch...

Midnight Star
-------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less,
At the checkout counter at the local grocery store.
I was only passin' by,
But a paper caught my eye,
And I learned a few things I never knew before.

It said, "Your pet may be an extraterrestrial."
It said, "The ghost of Elvis is living in my den."
You can learn to cope with stress,
And you can beat the IRS,
And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again!"

Oh, Midnight Star!
It's in the weekly Midnight Star.
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know.

Eat jelly doughnuts and lose twenty pounds a day.
Hear the story of the man born without a head.
And top psychics all agree
That the telephone company
Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead.

Oh, Midnight Star!
You can believe it if you read it in the weekly Midnight Star.
They're keeping Hitler's brain alive inside a jar.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know.

(Tell me, tell me, tell me how to make my bust line grow.)
Midnight Star, I wanna know...

Oh, Midnight Star!
Well, don'tcha know that I read it, I read it in the weekly Midnight Star.
The UFO's have landed and we'll tell you where they are.
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know,
Midnight Star.

Well, you can read all about it in the weekly Midnight Star.
You can use your ESP to learn to play guitar.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
Inquiring minds like mine wanna know...
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.
I wanna know, I wanna know.

 

Gonna buy me a condo

--------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

chorus: Gonna buy me a condo
        Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
        Get de wall-to-wall carpeting
        Get de wallet full o' credit cards
        I'm gonna buy me a condo
        Never have to mow the lawn
        Gonna get me the T-shirt
        With the alligator on

Wo-o-o, used to live in Jamaica
But I don't live dere no more
Had to change me lifestyle
Do t'ings I never done before
So now I'm just a lonely Rastaman
Living in dis American town
Gonna sell me Bob Marley records
Gonna get me some Jackson Browne

(chorus)

Wo, gonna cut off me dread-locks
T'row away all me ganja
I'll have a Tupperware party
Maybe join me a health spa
I'll get a bowl of plastic fruit
And a microwave oven too
Then I'll have the neighbors over
For a weenie barbecue

(chorus)

Ain't gonna work in the field no more
Gonna be Am-way distributor
Ain't gonna work in the field no more, no, no
Gonna be Am-way distributor
(Jah) Jah, jah, jah
Life is so very hard
I need a (jah) jah, jah, jah
Jacuzzi in my backyard

(chorus)

What you say?

(chorus)

What you say?

(chorus)

I Lost On Jeopardy
------------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody of "Jeopardy" by the Greg Kihn band

Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous
I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right
I, I...

I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...

Well I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
'Cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up.  Don Pardo,
Just tell me now what I didn't win
Yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...

(Don Pardo's voice)
That's right Al--you lost!  And let me tell what you didn't win:
a twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of
Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco
treat.  But that's not all!  You also made yourself look like a jerk
in front of millions of people!  And you brought shame and disgrace
on your family name for generations to come!  You don't get to come
back tomorrow!  You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game!
You're a complete loser!!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on the Price Is Right
I, I...

I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby...

Polkas on 45
------------
Medley arranged by "Weird Al" Yankovic

["Jocko Homo" by Devo]
They tell us that we lost our tails,
Evolving up from little snails.
I say it's all just wind and sails.
Are we not men, we are devo.
Are we not men, D-E-V-O.

["Smoke On The Water" by Deep Purple]
Smoke on the water.
A fire in the sky.
Smoke on the water.

["Sex (I'm a...)" by Berlin]
(I'm a man) I'm a boy.
(I'm a man) Well, I'm your mother.
(I'm a man) I'm a one-night stand.
(I'm a man) Am I by?
(I'm a man) I'm your slave.
I'm a little girl,
When we make love together.
Hey, hey, hey!

["Hey Jude" by The Beatles]
Jude, don't make it bad,
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better,
Better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah!

["L.A. Woman" by The Doors]
L. A. woman.  You're my woman.
Got my mojo risin'.  Mister Mojo risin'.
Hey!

["In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly]
In a gada da vida, honey,
Don'tcha know that I love you.
In a gada da vida, baby,
Don'tcha know that I'll always be true.

["Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix]
Hey Joe, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe!  Where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
Gonna shoot my old lady.
Caught her messin' around with another man.

(yodel)

["Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads]
I'm an ordinary guy, burnin' down the house.

["Hot Blooded" by Foreigner]
I'm hot blooded, check it and see.
Got a fever of a hundred and three.
Come on, baby, you can do more than dance.
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded!

["Every Breath You Take" by Police]
Every breath you take, every move you make,
Every bod you break, every step you take,
I'll be watchin' you.

["Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash]
Darling, you gotta let me know,
Should I stay, or should I go?
If you say that you are mine,
I'll be here till the end of time.
But you gotta let me know, wo-wo-wo.
Should I stay, or should I go?

["Jumping Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones]
But it's all right now, in fact it's a gas.
But it's all right--jumpin' jack slash, it's a gas, gas, gas!

["My Generation" by The Who]
People try to put us down.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Just because we get around.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Hope I die before I get old.
(Talkin' bout my generation)
Talkin' bout my generation.
Talkin' bout my generation.
Well, talkin' bout my generation!

Mr. Popeil
----------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. Popeil!

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Popeil!

Help me.
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Wo-o, wo-o.  Ohhhhhh.)
It slices.  It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn't want to!

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no!  Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popeil!
Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Now how much would you pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(Now how much would you pay?)
If you order today,
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.

Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popeil.  I want it!
(Mr. Popeil.)  Well, I need it!
(Mr. Popeil.)  I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Hey!

King of Suede
-------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody of "King of Pain" by the Police

There's a sale on our gabardine suits today.
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday.
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed.
Just a VISA or Master-card is all you need.
We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade.
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
We got every fabric that was ever made,
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede.

We got portly and regular and extra-long.
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong.
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick.
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick.
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid.
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made,
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade,
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede.

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom,
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan.
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too.
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you.
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade.
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade.
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made,
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede.

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits.
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots.
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose.
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

King of Suede.

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale.
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail.
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today.
It's the same old sale as yesterday.

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed,
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid,
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede.

King of Suede.
King of Suede.
King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede...

 

That Boy Could Dance
--------------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek.
He was a dumb-lookin' scrawny little four-eyed freak.
He never used to hang around with the guys.
He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies.
He wasn't much to look at.
He never was very bright.
But at least there was one thing that he could do all right.

That boy could dance.
That boy could dance, yeah.

He was kind of a jerk, he was kind of a bore,
But the women would scream when he walked in the door.
'Cause one thing I can tell you for sure--
That boy could dance.

Pickin' teams, he would always be last.
He couldn't run very far, he couldn't think very fast.
If he was on your side, you'd always lose.
That guy had a problem even tyin' his shoes.

He never passed a driver's test.
He was always afraid of cars,
And he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars.

But that boy could dance.
That boy could dance, yeah.
Well, his hair was a mess, and his clothes didn't fit,
He'd smell pretty bad, and he'd drool just a bit,
But you got to admit.
Boy, that boy could dance.

Now that boy is much older.
He got his own dance studio.
He got a teeny bopper fan club.
Yeah, he got his own TV show.
Now he owns half of Montana.
They all call him Diamond Jim.
And you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him.

'Cause that boy could dance.
That boy could dance.
That boy could dance.

 

Theme From Rocky XIII
---------------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody of "Eye of the Tiger"

Fat and weak, what a disgrace.
Guess the champ got too lazy.
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space.
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.

But he's no bum, he works down the street.
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say:

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're on special tonight.
If you want, you can have an appetizer.
You might like our salami, and the liver's all right.
And they'd really go well with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

Never eats while on the job.
He heard it's good to stay hungry.
But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob.
Have a taste, they were made fresh today.

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white.
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer.
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight.
But you just can't go wrong with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

So today, his deli comes first.
Still he dreams of his past days of glory.
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst,
All the while you can still hear him say:

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite.
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye,
Or the kaiser.

The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser...

Nature Trail To Hell
--------------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Coming this Christmas to a theatre near you,
The most horrifying film to hit the screen.
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop,
And he hacks up two or three in every scene.

Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends.
Don't spoil the big surprise.
You won't believe your eyes when you see

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap.
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you.
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again,
Till we bring you "Nature Trail to Hell--Part 2."

So bring the kids along, it's good clean family fun.
What have you got to lose,
If you like the six o'clock news, then you'll love

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.

(zhiW ezeehC staE nataS)

Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
Nature Trail to Hell,
In 3-D.